Stop fighting the Universe

Jan 26, 2021
Hello, dear sunshine!
It's been a few weeks since I last wrote and I want to start off by thanking you for sticking around and being patient with me.
It's been a rough few weeks. For the world, for the US, for all of us.
The last few weeks for me brought my first big program launch, my first launch flop, some angry screaming fits at the universe, a realization at my core, and a connection to my essence.
Told you it was a lot ;)
So, first things first. I launched my first group program and was SO EXCITED for this amazing program that was going to help so many women and spread all the light and love and is all the things. I poured my soul into this, I was totally aligned creating the videos and journal prompts and activities, and it was just pure magic.
Then it was time to launch! I shared on social media, on my website, and through my wonderful family here - you guys! I was floating on air, so confident in this offer, so ready to get started!
And that trust and faith and excitement stayed. For four days. Then I let the doubts come in, I let my ego start shouting at me wondering why no one had signed up yet. And man did that ego come back with a VENGEANCE. I mean, the girl was possessed.
Instead of centering myself, walking my dogs, pulling cards, journaling, or doing any of the things I've learned the last few years, I completely turned back into the girl who doubted everything she had done. "Well, obviously I didn't market this right. Of course, no one wants this program, I'm not making it clear what it is. My sales copy is crap."
Dude. If I could shake that girl right now, I would.
But then again... I wouldn't. It was a really rough week, to say the least. I didn't even show up live on social media (my preferred way of communicating vs posts) more than once. And I never even closed out. I just let the program die a quiet death and never talked about it anymore. I was so ashamed of this huge failure of a program, this epic failing of me as a coach. And more so than ashamed, I was flippin' ANGRY. And I stayed angry. I didn't look any deeper.
Commence screaming at the universe in my car. Multiple times.
Yep. It wasn't pretty.
But the whole time, the universe kept giving me signs. She kept telling me I was on the right path (I saw a LOT of 11:11s and things like that.) She kept telling me to keep going.
It took a few key conversations, tarot reading, and card pulls to finally get it.
I had, in fact, manifested exactly what I had asked for. Me controlling the situation. And guess what guys? It blew up in my face. I stopped believing in myself and stopped believing in my path. I let my ego jump in and take control and when I wasn't signing up the "right" number of women, my ego told me I sucked.
I know I've talked a lot about the idea of surrendering to the universe and for those of you who are new and didn't see that letter, let me summarize for you: I hated the idea of surrendering, saw it as invalidating and weakening, and convinced myself that I was co-creating with the Universe by "allowing space." Because that was the same as surrendering.
Yep. I never said I wasn't stubborn.
So no. I wouldn't actually change anything about how I launched or what happened after. Because I FINALLY learned my damned lesson. The lesson the Universe has been trying to teach me for 30 years. That no matter what, me controlling a situation, does NOT actually provide the optimal outcome.
I must have faith in myself.
I must have faith in the Universe.
I am always fully supported and loved.
So stop being a little brat and trying to be the boss. Because it doesn't create the most light. Having faith does. Following my path with the deep knowing in my bones that this is right...that creates the most light.
I wish I could share this feeling with you. I wish I could push a button and transfer just a fraction of this to you. Because it is EPIC. It is AMAZING.
I took last week off. Like completely. I didn't post daily social media content, I didn't write a newsletter, I didn't check to see if I got new subscribers. I went live a few times when I had a message I wanted to deliver. But otherwise, I focused on deepening this connection with myself and with the Universe.
And I realized that I had allowed my ego into my business long before my launch. I am building a coaching business to spread light. My purpose here is to lift up women (and men who are interested - I see you guys here:)) and empower them to share their unique lights. Some weeks that will come through multiple times every day with insight, messages, inspiration, you name it. Other weeks, it may look like a lot of self-care with minimal social media presence. I do not have to post something every day. I can, but I don't have to. Because of this business, my purpose is not about quantity. It is about quality. And I hope that I'm sharing information that helps you, and whoever you touch in this world, to feel strong, empowered, loved, and fierce as fuck.
So yeah, as I said at the beginning of this super long note, it's been a rough couple of weeks.
And I know I'm not finished learning this lesson. I know I will need to keep this idea of surrendering front and center. And I know that I cannot play around with semantics.
I hear you Universe - I am surrendering.
So, dear sunshine, thank you for staying with me. Thank you for making it through this note.
I no longer commit to ensuring a newsletter each Sunday. I no longer commit to daily (weekday) social media posts.
But, I do commit to staying connected to my purpose and my essence. I do commit to sharing my light with you in the most inspired ways possible. I do commit to always supporting you in your personal growth.
And as always, I am here if you need me. Have a question on wth I'm talking about with surrendering? HIT ME UP! Want to geek out over crystals and the Starseed Oracle deck (I just got mine!)? YES PLEASE! Want to work together 1:1 and totally rock your potential? OMG PLEASE LET'S CRUSH THIS!
With love, your coach,