Being Self Aware Can Sometimes REALLY SUCK!Jul 28, 2021
Yep, I said it. Being self aware can really freaking suck sometimes.
Knowing that your old "coping" mechanisms were actually ways for you to escape your problems and did not a damn thing to alleviate the situation?
Don't get me wrong, I am 10000000% a proponent of growing and learning and raising your consciousness. I mean hell, I'm a coach working with people to do that very thing. But fucccccccck does it suck sometimes.
When you're deep in it, sitting in the ick and the muck and the darkness and you start running through what used to help, only to realize that you don't get to escape this time?
"I'm not hungry really and I know I used food as an escape so I'm not going to the store for cookie dough. Same with alcohol - having a cold beer isn't actually going to help me work through all of this."
"Dammit, neither is just sleeping the whole day away. These problems will still be here tomorrow and probably get worse."
"Shit, I also used to torture myself with 7 mile runs every day. Not only did that not help, it also destroyed my shins..."
Uckfay emay. (I'm a '90s kid... you know you remember your pig latin.)
I FULLY support healthy ways of coping and handling life's problems. I journal a lot, draw, dance, sing, scream, chant, do breathwork, meditate, do kundalini yoga (heck, I just ran an introductory workshop on this one!), talk with my therapist and friends, spend time in nature, spend time with my amazing puppers, use crystals, water my plants, do yard work, read books that light me up, take bubble baths, spend time luxuriously taking care of my face (Monat skincare anyone?!), and go to my happy place (the beach).
I AM ALLLLLL ABOUT HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS AND WORKING THROUGH YOUR PROBLEMS IN A HEALTHY MANNER.
AND. that doesn't mean there aren't days where I want to run to the store and grab a bottle of wine and cookie dough. It doesn't mean there aren't days where I call a friend and vent and cry about how everything is working against me.
IT DOES HOWEVER, mean that I don't sit in those as often or as long. I've replaced my cookie dough habit with Nutella and pretzels. Not super healthy, but at least I'm not shitting my brains out from raw cookie dough. 🤷
So remember, while you're on this crazy journey of enlightenment, spiritual and personal development, becoming a better person, living your human life, whatever you want to call it... remember that you're still human.
You still get to feel like escaping would be easier. You still get to feel angry or hurt or upset. You still get to sit in sweats all day and eat food that's not the healthiest. You still get to sit in the feelings and feel them.
Just because you're working on yourself does NOT mean you can't have bad days. It does NOT mean you aren't allowed to want to escape. And it sure as helllllll does not mean you have to be positive all the time. Because that shit isn't real either.
Be yourself. Stick with it, even on the hard days. ESPECIALLY on the hard days. Because, and I tell you this from personal experience, it feels indescribably cooler and more impressive when you realize that you've overcome / worked through / dealt with a problem from a healthy perspective. Because not only did you work through that like a champ and come out on the other side, you did that in a healthy way.
Not only did you grow and level up by working through, the very manner in which you worked through that issue was a level up. That's like two jumps at once!
So the next time you are sitting, staring at a hot pile of messy bullshit, remember, you can absolutely get in your car and crank that stereo up all the way. You can totally call a friend and watch sappy movies and eat chips and guac. You can definitely take a short nap.
Just remember, as much as those old ways may be tempting you to go back to them, they're the same as that shitty ex who is telling you they've changed.
You know they haven't. THEY know they haven't. And returning to those old habits, those old escape habits? That won't help you keep on your path.
Take your time. And please, for the love of whatever you find holy, GIVE YOURSELF GRACE.
You're doing the best you can. You deserve healthier coping mechanisms. And you absolutely are worthy of hating every second of it too. Because sometimes it really fer-reaking sucks.
If you have thoughts about self harm or harm to others as a coping mechanism, please reach out for help. The examples I gave above can be very serious also, but no amount of self harm or harm to others is ever "not that serious." Please, reach out for help. The world needs you.